Gen Z on a mission to find love beyond labels and social media theories

They say love conquers all. But in this digital realm, where finding true love depends on left and right swipes, Gen Z is in a dilemma about whether labels such as breadcrumbing (when someone gives you just enough attention or affection to keep you interested, without any real intention of commitment), situationship (a relationship that’s more than friendship but without clear commitment or definition), benching (to keep someone on standby and show occasional interest without moving the relationship forward), and lovebombing  (overwhelming someone with excessive affection and attention to gain control or manipulate) bring comfort. Is putting labels to describe a relationship between two people a boon or a bane?

Coming in handy

“Even though these terms are not comforting, they are not much of a pressure. It is easy to be aware of what attracts and what does not,” says Niki, 22, who works in the service sector. Agreeing with Niki, Callestina Vincent, 22, who works in the finance sector, says labels make it easier to categorise certain behaviours. However, on the flip side, Kavya, 25, IT consultant, finds that labels enforce a certain behaviour pattern. “Even with dating, labels such as love-bombing and breadcrumbing are inherently classified as bad, and it is making us move away from looking at certain behaviours through a more empathetic lens. What if this person, who is exhibiting this bad behaviour, is a green flag?”

Social media like Instagram is filled with dating theories such as the orange peel theory (the idea that small and caring gestures, like peeling an orange for someone, show true love and affection) and the classic red and green flags analogy, putting their loved ones on a litmus test and basing their choices on these theories. “I could just refuse to peel an orange because I don’t feel like it,” says Faizan ul Haq, 25, a software developer.

Niki adds that such theories put unrealistic expectations on people. “I always had the image of ‘if this person loves me, they will do it without me asking’, not understanding that my lover is not a mind reader.”

Social media works on personal algorithms, ensuring that you relate to most of the content you consume. “We are not taking into account that these influencers have a completely different lifestyle. There is no guarantee that it is their real life that they are leading. It is best to focus only on our relationship, as nobody knows us better than we do,” says Niki.

Faizan says many influencers do not research properly and base their theories on self-experience, making it easy for people to trust them. “I need to know whether their source of information is well-researched and has some basis. But if it is ill-informed, I will be sceptical about their views,” he says.

Art of gifting

Gen Z, known for not shying away from displaying emotions, believes in the art of gifting handmade gifts such as letters and scrapbooks as it is more personal and intimate. “The old-school methods seem way more beautiful. Imagine having someone send you handwritten letters when you are away at work or a poem to remind you that they are thinking about you. It is just blissful,” says Callestina.

However, labels come with their own pressure, and it becomes hard to keep up. “New terms are getting made up every single day. It is hard to keep up with them and it is overwhelming. Having a billion terms means you are aware, but if it goes overboard, it can be very irritating,” says Niki. Callestina adds that if people are able to understand the behaviour pattern, they can choose to walk away from the situation, and in that way, labels are useful. Will love truly transcend labels, social media theories, and return to its regal status of being an unadulterated emotion? Time shall tell.